I am writing this in the early hours of morning as I slept like a log starting afternoon till midnight. I am feeling restless. I thought I will write something down to quieten my nerves else am sure I will go and disturb mom who is sleeping. Poor you!!!
The question that I want to ask you is - Are you happy? Are you content? I am not asking this with respect to your professional life but personal life.
I recall being in a Time Management session at my work place and everything was going very well until the instructor handed out a form and asked us to fill it with things that we wanted to do in our personal time and the percentage of completion of that task. Silence! A Hush fell in the crowd and no one uttered a word! I am sure we would have heard the fall of a pin onto the ground had some one dropped it. The instructor told us that we have been very busy with our professional life that we missed out on what we really wanted to do in our personal life. When I wrote down the things that I wanted to do and haven’t done yet because of varying pretenses (major one being work), I felt thankful for attending the session at least then. The session was a definite eye-opener. Now you know why I started taking the dance lessons!!
Well, I am digressing from the topic as always! Let me come back to the topic that I want to talk about today – Relationship. I am not going to talk about relation ship between mom and son, father and daughter, amongst siblings, friends etc. I am going to talk about Man & Wife. I guess its time to put a disclaimer – I am not married but I do have friends who talk about their lives and it is always the same problem.
Recently, I read a beautiful book called, ‘The Bridges of Madison County’. No one prepared me for this and so I rode the waves of emotions the book generated. Was it a great book? No. Was it a deep philosophical book? No. What was the book about? I will tell you in a moment. It was a simple book.
During our adolescent years, what do we think of “L-O-V-E”?
Something that is as soft as the brush of a rose petal?
Something that is as melodious as a soulful violin?
Something that is as dizzying as the night filled with flowers like Tuberose, Jasmines, Roses etc?
Something that is as sweet as a strawberry immersed in sugar syrup?
I am sure it would have been much more than what I have written as those were the days we set loose our imagination with all abandonment and control. We did not know that it was just “Romance” that we thought about and not “Love”. Love is much more than this and it has a stronger base.
As we grow older and get into a relationship, do we get that? Not the whole package as now we understand what reality is and learn to accept life as is and be content. But do we get the romance part of it? Briefly at the beginning of the relationship for a fortunate few and even that dies a slow death. Is it really important? We do have love in our life. What will we do with romance? Well, you have to answer that. But I can safely answer for all the girls who do not feel comfortable telling it in open the answer - “Yes”. Why? Just to feel special.
That is what our heroine, Francesca wished for when she was young – all the soft things, making her feel feminine. Did she get it? No. Her husband was a good man who loved her and she had two wonderful children. She was so used to doing the daily chores that will stop the house from rumbling down, to make her husband happy, to make her kids happy and she was very much content with her life. But where did her girlhood dreams go? After the marriage, the couple started taking each other for granted that they forgot to let the romance survive? What is romance? Not something very big. There are small things that can be done in everyday life. Buy a single rose even if it is not an anniversary or birthday, having a candle light dinner, just sitting outside and enjoying the sunset with a drink with your loved one, talking to each other (not about daily activities, work) but just talk, making a girl feel feminine (at least once in a while) or as simple as a token of appreciation. The list will never end. But do we take care of these small things? No. Our Francesca had dreams as well and not the ones I have mentioned as every one have their own dreams. But did her husband Richard really know what she wanted and what were her wishes and dreams. When does the woman start being able and providing and just stop there?
In came a man Robert, as a storm in Francesca’s life one lazy evening. Did Francesca fall for him at sight? No. She is a loving wife and loving mother and who knew her duties well. But she did feel very womanly in front of the person and they eventually fall in love with each other and their relationship lasts for four days and in that period she lived for herself. Not for her husband. Not for her kids. Not for Robert. Not for her relatives. Not for her neighbors. Just for her self! Adultery! I abhor adultery in any form. But why did Francesca’s and Robert’s romance touch my heart. Just for a moment, forget that she is married and she has kids and picture her as a young girl with heart in her eyes dreaming of romance and you will find that the young girl’s wishes were fulfilled by Robert – A slow dance in the kitchen, Candle light dinner with drinks (I don’t take hard drinks but am talking about Francesca’s wish here), being cared for and just being appreciated and feeling feminine all over again. How many things did I write here? Very few and how long will it take her husband to do it? No time at all. But does he really do it? I am not trying to justify her adultery. I am trying to make you understand her dreams and wishes. Instead of feeling grateful for your partner not to have committed adultery, feel grateful for you to have provided a caring, understanding and a fulfilling relationship with all niceties. You see it wasn’t like Francesca was unhappy with the everyday activities. She was definitely happy. But there was a part of her that remained unfulfilled and she was swept away by the wave of romance. If Richard had swept her away, then she would not have felt guilty nor would she have committed adultery. She would have had more than content family life. But did she get this from Richard -> Roberts tells to Francesca – “In a universe of ambiguity, this kind of certainty comes only once, and never again, no matter how many lifetimes you live.”
I will try to catch some sleep now and I end this blog by saying – Respect each other’s dreams and try to understand what your partner really needs to have a fulfilling relationship.
{Yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn} – Time to sleep. Bye
